Source: Report on Domestic Violence in Algoma 2005
Some reasons why women stay in abusive relationships:
- Fear of physical abuse/fear for life
- Love for partner. Wants to be together.
- Believe things will get better
- Afraid of negative impact on children.
- Afraid of failure: family, friends, community
- Religious beliefs
- Feels helpless, nothing will help
- Feels guilty about some of the things she did wrong.
- Blames herself for the violence.
- Lack of financial resources
- Negative response from community, police, courts, social workers, etc.
- Unable to use current resources because of how they were provided (language, disability, homophobia)
- Partner started doing things she had been asking for.
- Fear of partner doing something to retaliate (report her to welfare, courts, etc.)
- Needs time to plan and prepare to leave.
- Feels insecure about competence as a person.
- If she stays, she at least knows what to expect (better sense of control)
- Their partner’s/husbands’ families or even their own have urged them to stay
- They feel responsible for maintaining the unit of the family.
- Their culture has communicated to them they must stay for “better and worse”
- They feel the law will penalize them if they leave the home
- They fear they cannot provide resources, time, love to their children by themselves.
- They do not want their children to grow up without fathers.
- They hope that he will change.
- They are afraid of losing their house hold and personal possessions.
- They have an alcohol/drug/food/sex addiction and feel immobilized.
- Fear of the unknown/fear of change
- Fear of being without a mate/partner. Thinks this is the best she can do.
- Exhaustion – too tired to do anything
- They hear negative stories, comments, and believe stereotypes about “single mothers” from families, friends, politicians and others in positions of power.
- They are too embarrassed and ashamed to be on welfare.
- They believe that the abuse is not too bad compared to the other women they hear about.
- Their minister/priest has told them to stay.
- They are so ashamed that their husband has abused them as they have no understanding of the dynamics of power and control.
- They are disabled and need someone to care for them.